Well, I’m pretty certain we’ve got the strong part down! Can I say I’m experiencing true happiness right now? Meh…. I’m not necessarily UNhappy. I’m just still navigating life. When John first passed, and even since, I have had some very awkward questions asked of me, or maybe even statements made. I think people just don’t know quite what to say. “You’re so young, you will get married again” Ummm ok, probably up to me, eh? “Are you going to keep your house?” Well, I had the house before I had the fella, so yeah. “Have you ever considered adoption?” I think my parts still work, but adoption has never been something I have ruled out.
Honestly, where I’m going with this, is to me being happy will likely eventually include someone else. Its super fun to watch baseball games all summer, but its far more fun to watch them with someone else. I love hanging out with my friends, but I don’t necessarily want to be the 3rd, 5th or even 11th wheel. To be clear, I know NONE of my friends would EVER make me feel like an extra wheel… but still. I’m not saying I’m ready to date, at least I don’t think I am. It sounds terrifying really. Yeah, I was proud of myself for getting some digits a few weeks ago, thanks to my friend Tito…….but I wasn’t seriously looking for anything! It was more of a challenge. A challenge that was accomplished while still wearing my wedding set. At any rate, what does one do with a phone number? I mean, I haven’t ACTUALLY dated in 15 years! All I can remember is one specific instance that was terrible, and John made fun of me because of it! We will circle back to that. (If John and I had a first date, it was lunch at Olive Garden, probably after a night of drinking, and he forgot his wallet in the car). Do people actually call on the phone? Do you text the guy? Is there a magical timeframe that is too soon, or too late? So many questions…. I mean, I don’t even think texting existed the last time I was on a date. And I was far younger then, obviously, but now, at 37, the whole situation sounds completely miserable. None of that sounds happy to me!
Back to the terrible date…. I was probably 22, and went to dinner with this dude. We sat at Texas Roadhouse as he stared into my eyes and said “You’re so beautiful” about 5 or 6 times. I’m serious…. I mean, once is enough yo! I’m clearly a catch, but geez. Not only that, but he called me, like an hour after he had dropped me off from said date. Uh, nope, peace out dude. Fast forward to February, at Johns celebration of life…..one of my friends with mad stalking skills took a picture of a fella she thought looked familiar, but she couldn’t think of his name. YOU GUYS… it was Texas Roadhouse dude! After some research, ie facebook stalking…. there is no possible way he knew John. None of the friends that I have in common with him on Facebook were any that John was friends with….. or maybe like one mutual friend. I have no clue why he was there…. but I seriously can’t make this shit up!
Let’s not confuse this as some announcement that I’m ready to move on. I’m not sure that’s the case. I mean, if my grandpa can date at 79…I should be able to at 37, right? I’m by no means ready to forget about John. That will never happen. And yes, I know that some mystery man has ginormous shoes to fill…….if there could even be a comparison to Johnny Mac. I’m not necessarily ready to seek out someone, but if something came up, as terrifying as it may be, I wouldn’t rule it out. Hell, I’m not even sure I have the free time to date…. I’m pretty popular, ya know. I’m certain there will be varying opinions on the situation, and that’s just fine. Nobody can tell me when I’m ready, or when an appropriate amount of time has passed. However, John and I discussed that if the time came that he was gone… he wanted me to be happy. One thing is for certain, when Mr Happy comes along, he will be getting a full panel of bloodwork and a PET scan before anything gets remotely serious! But after that, I shall proceed with caution!
Stronger Than A Fifth Of Whiskey 