#vows

Eleven years ago on St Patricks day, we started our day prepping for the happiest moments of our life.  Yesterday, I started my day at the cemetery.  I never would have imagined that when we said “til death do us part”, that death would actually part us ten short years later.

It seems like we got the short end of the stick in all of our vows.  “richer or poorer”….I’m not saying we were ever really poor….it just seems as though each time we thought we were getting ahead financially, something crazy would happen.   A flooded basement, a project at the house, or medical bills always seemed to sneak up and snag some of the extra money that was saved.  It didn’t keep us from doing anything fun… like weekends away, or concerts, but it was just enough to be annoying.

“in sickness and in health”.  ummmm, hello cancer.   No, he wasn’t sick for our entire marriage, but he was for nearly half of it.  Four years of treatment, Drs appointments, hospital stays, and transplants.   We tried to always take advantage of the times when he felt well, and if there was something he REALLY wanted to do, he pushed through even though he felt terrible.  In hindsight, we totally took for granted us both being completely healthy for so long.

Yesterday, after I visited the cemetery, I came home, and cleaned up my makeup, and was picked up for a day spent with the best friends a girl could ask for.   New friends and old friends were the perfect distraction.  It’s not that I NEED a distraction, but it sure takes the edge off when I think about spending the day without him.  Going out for green beer is a tradition for our group, and I wouldn’t spend the day doing anything else!

I was able to go to a concert with good friends and one of my favorite teenagers last night.   I was dreading one song, because I know its a tough one, but I somehow held it together, for the most part.   When I was at the cemetery visiting John, all I could think about was the song lyrics.   “you should be here, standing with your arm around me here.  Cutting up cracking a cold beer…”  How I didn’t lose my shit hearing that song live, and on our anniversary, I’m really not sure.  Concerts have always been one of my favorite things, and even though a country show was always one of John’s least favorites, I know he would be SO happy that I was able to add in seeing a show after a morning of drinking.

I can not believe that it has been 11 years since I married my best friend and favorite drinking buddy.  Its even harder to believe that I have spent the last 2 anniversary’s without him.  Most days I am adjusted to this new journey of life, but for some reason, our anniversary seems to be the hardest.  I’m so very thankful for everyone who thought of me yesterday and sent a text, or had a beer with me.

My advice as always…..don’t take a single second for granted.  If you have taken the vows of marriage, or if you plan to, take them seriously.  Be thankful for the things you have, whether its richer, or poorer, sicker or healthier.  Just keep livin, no matter the circumstance.