#lifechanges

“you never know what’s gonna happen, you make your plans and you hear God laughing”.

I can always circle it back to song lyrics!  So, I did a thing.  For the last 15 years I have slept on the same side of the bed.   The bed John and I bought after roughly six months of dating….before he officially changed his address at work to my address.  (is that normal??).  I have slept in that bed by myself for over two years now.  Actually, more like three, considering all the time we were away from home after transplant.  Anyway, for the entire 2-3 years, I have continued to sleep on the same side of the bed.   About 2 months ago, I got this wild idea that I should probably utilize the rest of the bed, and tried to sleep in the middle of the bed.   It was no bueno.   I couldn’t sleep.  I don’t know if I wasn’t tired, wasn’t comfortable, or if it was just in my head.  I gave it a few days, and slowly inched over to the middle of the bed, which I’m happy to say, I have slept in the middle of the bed ever since!   If only all of life was that easy!!

Life sure has continued to throw wrenches my direction.  I’m kinda over it. Just days after my last posting, I lost my work BFF.  Yeah, we had different work ethics, but we made fun of each other at every possible moment.  We were constantly joking and trying to irritate each other, but we also talked each other off the ledge more times than I can count.   I’m not gonna lie, he knew more about my life than was probably healthy for a male/female work relationship.  My boss referred to the desk he sat at, just yesterday, as “Rob’s desk” and I’m not really ok with that.  We always joked that we had wished we had our own offices, but when one of us was out of the office, we would end up texting each other.  The days are longer without someone to chat with throughout the day, and I miss his knowledge and crazy quick wit.

Just before Rob passed, I had begun contemplating making a career move.   I love a lot about my job, but if you have ever heard me talk about traveling, you know I have no real love for aviation.  It’s nothing I ever mentioned to Rob, but I’m sure he would have had an opinion.  (Yes, its ok, my supervisors know I have been thinking about a change, so I’m not just airing it out there all willy nilly!). I’m not sure where a job search will take me, but I think it would be amazing to utilize the twists and turns of the last 6 years to my advantage.   I feel like I have a very unique skillset that I don’t wish on my worst enemy.  I CAN tell you that I have reached out to the Cancer Center to look for volunteer opportunities.  I have wanted to give back for a long time, but, you know, life.

I recently had an opportunity to look at a friends house that she is selling.  Am I even ready to move?  Mentally?  Physically?  Financially?   OY!  It was a good way to get me thinking about the possibility of moving….I mean, I have been in this “starter” house for FIFTEEN YEARS!  Ain’t nothing wrong with this doll house….but I have always wanted something a bit more spacious with a better floor plan.  I’m just not sure if now is the right time. But is any time the right time?   I know I will certainly need to assess my budgeting skills before I start to seriously think about making a change like that.  Maybe just get rid of my Amazon account.   Ha!  JK.    That’s not happening.  Just taking a gander made me think of my wish list for a new home, which by the way, needs to be a LOVE!  I know this place isn’t a dream home, for anyone.  I do know, that I got engaged in this house, about 10 feet from my current location.  We lived here when we got married, and we spent an abnormal amount of time in the basement watching tv and movies when John was sick.  I know that John wouldn’t want me to live here forever.   He HATED this house!

I feel like perhaps I have found myself in a slump…..or maybe that’s just the mattress.  The last few weeks have given me a lot to think about.  I’m a person who hates change, unless I’m in control of said change!  Maybe that’s the thing… maybe I don’t like life just throwing these changes at me.  I’m sure this is all part of some master plan and it will all work out in the end, but one change at a time, yo.