#blingbling

Wow…another year has flown by, yet again!  I feel as though 2019 shall be the year of Stacie!  I mean, I started the year with a nasty cold and my first trip to WalMart in probably about 3 years, so basically, I can only go up from here, right??  Reflecting on 2018, it was very much a building year for me. I spent 2017 trying to wade through the shit show, and 2018 finally settling into this “new normal”.

This last year has continually reminded me how blessed I am to have amazing people in my life.  The friends that you may not see often, but when you do, you pick up right where you left off.  The friends who you do see often, and value every visit just the same.   New friendships have been built, and seem as though there is no way you haven’t had them in your life for years.  Most importantly, I feel blessed to have some sweet kiddos in my life.  I feel so important when I get in the car or walk in the house and kids are shouting at me to get my attention first!  Watching them grow is by far one of my most favorite things to do this last year…..even if it means watching baseball games in the sweltering heat, or Fall ball in what felt like sub-zero temperatures!

I muddled through another tough year at work, but have hopes that the workload will balance out after our work family starts a new year without a crazy knowledgeable and vastly loved coworker.  Starting 2019 with new work projects on the horizon, in addition to wrapping up year end reporting, and annual training, should keep me on my toes in my work life.  Having a new adventure with the Totes for Ta-Ta’s event should also be just enough to satisfy my need to give back to the Cancer Center, as well as give me something to challenge my mind.  Perhaps more purpose all the way around.

On a more personal, healing matter, I had been experimenting with not wearing my wedding rings.  While my rings were my “pie in the sky” wedding set, I have always taken them off to shower, wash dishes, to sleep, or even just when I get home for the day.  There have been several times where people have noticed and asked about it when I didn’t have them on.  I recently read a book, “Widows Wear Stilettos,” and  one of the topics addressed this exact situation.  After reading the book, I don’t think I have worn my rings for 3 or maybe 4 weeks.   WHAT does this mean?!?!?!    I’m not sure really.   I don’t think there is any hidden or secret message.  Sure, a wedding ring is certainly a symbol, but I know men who are married don’t wear a wedding ring at all, and no-one blinks an eye!  Reading the book nearly two years after John’s passing reiterated much of my thoughts and actions over the last two years.  It made me realize that it doesn’t matter if someone else notices that left hand with bling or no bling.  Not wearing the rings doesn’t mean that I love or miss John any less.  I have his ring soldered on my arm!  No, its not because I am dating or searching for someone, but if I am, so be it.  I mean, I don’t want to be alone forever, but dating still seems terrible!  Perhaps it is just part of the healing process, which no one can explain.  I know that at any time I can put that puppy right back on if I need to (even if it is a bit tight).

I am very excited to see what 2019 brings for me on all levels.  I am a different person than I was a year ago.  I am (kinda) ready to push myself out of my comfort zone, something that is VERY difficult for me!  Bring it 2019, lets do this!