Holy Moly, its been a bit since my last blog!  I feel like perhaps thats a good thing.  Starting this blog has been a ginormous outlet for me.  It has helped me talk myself through some of the hard days, and just let me air out some crap.  I have actually been able to cut WAY back on my counseling appointments, I think greatly to do with being able to just tell the world how I feel via this blog.

Here’s the deal.   I had ice cream for dinner!  Why?  Because I can.  Because when you drive by Double D’s and there isn’t a 15 car line in the drive thru, you go.  Is it something I will do every night?   YES!  OK, maybe not.  But it was a nice treat on this warm evening (finally!!). My point, is that life is short and sometimes its ok to not have a green veggie with your dinner.

Life is annoying sometimes….sometimes your AC needs some work, or your shower backs up, or you have a sick family member.  Sometimes it all happens in one week. On the other hand, sometimes in that same week you get to grab lunch with your parents, have some beers with great friends, and watch some crazy kiddos jump into a super cold pool!

No matter what gets thrown at me…..I try to remember that life is too short to sweat some of the small stuff.   Look, I’m a complete stresser-outer.  I let things get to me.  I try to overcome the stress, and maybe sometimes thats with ice cream!  Sometimes ya gotta take a half day and have a few day drinks with your lunch.

Take the trip, get the tattoo, eat the ice cream…..you do you, but do what makes ya happy!

Eleven years ago on St Patricks day, we started our day prepping for the happiest moments of our life.  Yesterday, I started my day at the cemetery.  I never would have imagined that when we said “til death do us part”, that death would actually part us ten short years later.

It seems like we got the short end of the stick in all of our vows.  “richer or poorer”….I’m not saying we were ever really poor….it just seems as though each time we thought we were getting ahead financially, something crazy would happen.   A flooded basement, a project at the house, or medical bills always seemed to sneak up and snag some of the extra money that was saved.  It didn’t keep us from doing anything fun… like weekends away, or concerts, but it was just enough to be annoying.

“in sickness and in health”.  ummmm, hello cancer.   No, he wasn’t sick for our entire marriage, but he was for nearly half of it.  Four years of treatment, Drs appointments, hospital stays, and transplants.   We tried to always take advantage of the times when he felt well, and if there was something he REALLY wanted to do, he pushed through even though he felt terrible.  In hindsight, we totally took for granted us both being completely healthy for so long.

Yesterday, after I visited the cemetery, I came home, and cleaned up my makeup, and was picked up for a day spent with the best friends a girl could ask for.   New friends and old friends were the perfect distraction.  It’s not that I NEED a distraction, but it sure takes the edge off when I think about spending the day without him.  Going out for green beer is a tradition for our group, and I wouldn’t spend the day doing anything else!

I was able to go to a concert with good friends and one of my favorite teenagers last night.   I was dreading one song, because I know its a tough one, but I somehow held it together, for the most part.   When I was at the cemetery visiting John, all I could think about was the song lyrics.   “you should be here, standing with your arm around me here.  Cutting up cracking a cold beer…”  How I didn’t lose my shit hearing that song live, and on our anniversary, I’m really not sure.  Concerts have always been one of my favorite things, and even though a country show was always one of John’s least favorites, I know he would be SO happy that I was able to add in seeing a show after a morning of drinking.

I can not believe that it has been 11 years since I married my best friend and favorite drinking buddy.  Its even harder to believe that I have spent the last 2 anniversary’s without him.  Most days I am adjusted to this new journey of life, but for some reason, our anniversary seems to be the hardest.  I’m so very thankful for everyone who thought of me yesterday and sent a text, or had a beer with me.

My advice as always…..don’t take a single second for granted.  If you have taken the vows of marriage, or if you plan to, take them seriously.  Be thankful for the things you have, whether its richer, or poorer, sicker or healthier.  Just keep livin, no matter the circumstance.

 

 

THIS!  This is my favorite picture of me and my “little” brother!  This was taken back in our college days, when life was far less complicated.   Nate is wearing THE most hideous outfit….a denim vest, and a red t-shirt with a gold print that said “I wasn’t born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could” with a cowboy boot on it.  (Hopefully this explains why when I shop for Nate, I look for the ugliest things I can find.   #Cubs). Anywho, since I am criticizing his clothing choices, perhaps I should mention that the shirt I am wearing is probably the last/only thing I have owned from Abercrombie and Fitch, because boobs.    At any rate, we both left home at the same time to head off to college, him at WIU and me at ISU.   We spent quite a few weekends visiting each other, mostly with me heading over to WIU when I lived at home my senior year.

Nate and I’s relationship after college was always crazy hit or miss.   It wasn’t uncommon for us to not talk or see each other for months and then text or talk on the phone multiple times over the course of a week, only to go a few more weeks or months without catching up.   It was normal for us, and I don’t think either of us really thought anything of it.  We just caught up when we could and didn’t miss much of a beat.  Our lives have always been different.  I’ve always been the one has done things more traditionally, the typical oldest sibling who doesn’t want to do anything wrong, or let anyone down.   Nate on the other hand, has always kept us all guessing.  Not afraid to break a rule, or do something crazy.  I dunno, like tell us on a Tuesday that he’s getting married on a Friday.   (that didn’t work out so well…..but you get the idea).  We constantly joke that we couldn’t have possibly have been raised in the same house.  And then in the next minute, we are responding to Mom or Dad with the exact same smart ass comment, at the exact same time.

The last several years have been a crazy whirlwind for both of us.  There wasn’t a single procedure, or hospitalization that John had at OSF that Nate didn’t come sit with me, because he knows I’m a total nervous Nelly.  We always seemed to stay fairly close when John was getting treatments, and I’m super thankful for that.  We also would quickly fall back into the not talking for a bit.  It’s weird, but again, its what seemed to work for us.   We don’t always see totally eye to eye, but we are there for each other when it counts, even if it ends with a punch in the face.

Most recently, we went nearly a year without talking.  Arguably one of the most difficult years of my life, and honestly, I’m thankful for that time that we weren’t talking.  I was focused on keeping John healthy, and I didn’t have time to focus one second on anyone else.  Quite frankly, if I didn’t talk to him, I didn’t worry about him, and in hind site, he knew that.  The short story, without airing any of his laundry, is he made some questionable decisions over the last few years and it affected our family.

Probably about 9 months ago, Nate sent me a random text saying that he was really sick and going to the hospital.  I hadn’t heard from him in a few months, so thought it was kinda odd. Turns out he had an intestinal parasite, and the subsequent testing led to the docs finding the tumor in his lung.  It was a scary start to him being back as a major part of my life, but I think it was mostly scary because we were dealing with cancer again.  I jumped into caretaker mode, because, you guys, I’m basically a professional.  I went with him to see the oncologist (the one who treated John for 4 years), and also to see the surgeon.  We spent some quality time together when we went to these appointments, and while our parents were on vacation not long after he had moved in with them.

Over the course of the last 7 months or so, I feel like we have gotten so much closer, and I realize how much I love spending time with him.   Its funny, because I don’t think John ever understood our crazy relationship, because he didn’t have any siblings.   There’s something about a sibling relationship that’s different than any other.  Only we are allowed to make fun of each other about certain things, and only we understand each others goofy quirks and those of our parents.  I love that if I need help with something, he’s happy to come change a light bulb, or hang some pictures at my house.  I, in turn, let him drive me around when we go somewhere together.  hmmmm, ok, maybe that’s a win for me on both accounts……..

I love the random texts that we share and having family dinners whenever we can manage it.  I love that we are on this new journey together, both with a relatively fresh start.  I have always believed that things happen for a reason, and it’s all part of God’s master plan for each of us.  It may not always make complete sense, but somehow it makes us stronger in the end.  Love you Nater, and I’m so blessed to have you back in my life on the regular.  Thank God for worms, and Pumpkin Spice Latte’s!

 

Now accepting applications for a life coach.   No, really….I’m kinda for real.  I am finally feeling as though life is more normal for me.  But in finding that normal, I have not been doing the things that I know are important for taking care of ME!  Things that I learned were important to keep me from losing my mind when John was sick.  I have still been in caretaker mode over the last 6 months or so, and this week got to see what it’s like to be the patient.   It makes me realize that I need to do what actually makes me feel good….not what I think makes me feel good.

The last few weeks have been kind of crazy.  We moved Johns mom to a different nursing home, she spent a few days in the hospital, and then was discharged back to the nursing home with a newfound spunk.  I ended up with a migraine this week that landed me in the ER for 10 hours.  My family doc wanted me to get a CT and blood work since I haven’t had a history of migraines.  Turns out my bean is fine, and after two days of feeling like I was being stabbed in the back of the head, the headache finally subsided.  I missed a concert on Thursday and decided to lay low today rather than attend a beer fest.  Clearly, I need some down time.

When I went to the doctor, I had to get on the dreaded scale.  I did NOT like what that scale said!   I have never cared about what the number on the scale says, or even what size my clothes are.  I just know when things don’t fit quite like I want them to,……so maybe that’s where the shopping problem comes in.  HMMMMMM…..   At any rate, I feel like since I have been focusing so much on everyone else, that I truly haven’t taken the time to really focus on being healthy myself.  I know that working out makes me feel SO much better, and really keeps my anxiety in check.  I just really have a heck of a time getting back into the routine.

I KNOW what foods to eat, and what not to eat.   I just really like pizza, wings and beer, OK?   Before my trip to the doc, I decided to give up pizza and soda for Lent.   I’m kind of what you would call a weddings and funerals catholic these days.  But I do try to give up something for Lent.  I love to eat fruits and veggies, but don’t like buying them and having them go to waste since my life is rather unpredictable…..I’m popular, yo!  I don’t hate eating healthy….I just like eating junk. Ha!

About my spending……I really need someone to just take all of my credit/debit cards.  Well, and maybe change my PayPal password because that is just too damn convenient.  Don’t worry, I’m not spending beyond my means.   I just buy things when I like them.  No biggie.  I suppose getting nice things is another way for me to pretend to make myself happy, I mean, who doesn’t love new shoes? and jeans? and dresses?  and…well, you know.

Basically, I need someone to cook my meals, give me an allowance, and make me run as if I’m being chased.   It actually sounds like I need to go back to my high school days.  I don’t want to adult anymore.  I just want to relax and watch tv, and be told when dinner is ready, and assume that dinner is more healthy than the crap I’ve been feeding myself for the last year!

 

Five years ago today, my life was changed forever.  Five whole years ago, we heard the words, “Stage IV Mantle Cell Lymphoma.”  My heart sank, and I was basically numb for about 4 days.  At the time, I wasn’t a professional caretaker, or cancer expert like I feel like I am now.  All I realized at that point, was there wasn’t a Stage V.  It turns out that Lymphoma’s and Leukemia’s are staged differently than say, a tumorous cancer.  Pretty sure we learned that after the second relapse…….I also know that its a terrible idea to google a diagnosis.  For real, if for some horrific reason, you find yourself at an oncologist, ask for an explanation and treatment options…DO NOT GOOGLE IT!

At that point, we had no idea what was ahead of us.  We thought, hey, 6 months of chemo; one and done.   Why would I ever think that Captain Go Big or Go Home would be a one and done type of guy?!?  We chugged through, the good days and the bad.  I learned to care for someone else, and to take care of myself along the way.

I had no idea how I would feel a year after John’s death.  I could never imagine where the last year has taken me.   I know without question, that when forced to make that terrible, terrible decision one year ago, that I, with the help of our parents, made the right decision.  John was so crazy full of life, I could’t imagine him never doing the things he loved.  There would have been no more concerts or baseball games or wrestling with our friends kids.  Hell, VERY likely wouldn’t have been able to live at home, IF he made it through.  We very likely would have spent several more months living in Chicago.  I know that what happened was all part of Gods plan.   God’s plan for John, and God’s plan for me.  I may never understand WHY He put cancer in our lives, or why He took John so soon.  I do know that for some crazy reason, God wanted to make me stronger, and that He gave me this life because I am strong enough to live it.   (I have seen this quote SO many times lately, but don’t know where it came from!)

Looking back over the last year, there is a lot that likely wouldn’t have happened, or would have happened differently if John were here.   I had SO MUCH more time to spend with friends and family.  I had opportunities to make some new friends, and know that they would have loved John, just as much as everyone else.  I got to take 2 trips to the beach, which likely wouldn’t have happened otherwise.  I bought super comfy new furniture, mostly because I don’t spend time in the basement by myself.  I soaked up plenty of vitamin D over the summer with almost weekly trips to a pool.  And lets be real… I would have never gotten my car!

The thing that is most important to me, is that I have been included with Johns crazy circle of friends, as if nothing ever happened to John.  I mean, yes, its obviously different but I always feel welcome and included, and they get to see Stacie.   Not John and Stacie.  I feel like the love that everyone had for John has somehow shifted to me, and for that I’m incredibly thankful.

I can’t forget to include my buddy, Mason.  This kid has the biggest heart of any kid I know.  (and I have a few important ones in my life!). Somehow, someway, he can always sense when I have had a rough day, and he makes me a picture at school and can’t wait to give it to me when he sees me!  You guys, he is FIVE!  He told his mom he makes me pictures because John died.   He is very matter of fact about the situation, but it is mind blowing to me that he gets it.  The crazy thing is that he really only met John a handful of times…. last seeing him when he was THREE!  That kid will be the one to take care of me when I’m old!

I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow.   I have forewarned my boss that I may be a hot mess, and I left a decent amount of work for tomorrow, so that I can be distracted.  I know without a doubt, that I have SO many places I can go tomorrow night if I want to hang out or need a distraction or a hug. While I am still picking up the pieces, I will forever remain #BLESSED.

 

 

This popped up in my Facebook memories from last year.   I’m not sure what prompted me to post this, but I guess I was actually blogging months before I actually started this blog.  The words are still very much true, and little did I know that a short week later, I would experience my greatest loss……

 

Yeah, so this is a long one. 😬

This year has been the most trying/stressful year of my life. I’m not posting this because I want sympathy or because i want people to feel sorry for me or John. I just want people to understand how thankful we are for the help that we have been offered and have received over the past year. Whether it be meals, prayers, a phone call, a card, a visit, or a simple text, it all means SO much. We have literally had people drop what they are doing and come to the rescue without a single question asked.

Beyond the now 9 hospital stays, time at the nursing home, trips to Chicago (ALOT of those!), dr appts, and working, there’s so much more that goes on “behind the scenes”. It’s difficult to be the only one to do tasks around the house, run errands like grocery shopping, or trips to Walgreens, fix dinners, and do what I can to make John comfortable. Besides that, there’s wearing the home pharmacist hat, paying the boatload of bills, calling the insurance, making calls to dr offices in between appointments when necessary, and still trying to fit in quality time while catching up the DVR!

I have seen a counselor every other week for 3 years, and also require anxiety medication. This time a year ago, I was at the gym 5 or 6 days a week, as it is an amazing stress reliever. The gym part has gone by the wayside this year as I never really know when I will be where and can’t seem to get back into the routine.

I know that in the end I will be stronger from all of this, and my have some sort of honorary nursing degree😬! I basically write this for those who know someone who has a cancer diagnosis, or maybe just an injury which requires some hospital stays or rehabilitation. Reaching out to the patient and/or caretaker with a text or call, or even a simple card dropped in the mail means more than you know! People in these situations don’t ask for help. They often don’t know what they need, until someone just does it for them. Don’t ask what can I do….just say, I’m making (fill in the blank) for dinner, I will drop some off for you. Tell them you will drop off or pick up this or that. Sometimes a beer or coffee date does just the trick! For someone who has small kids, maybe occupying them for a bit so that errands can be done….or run an errand or two so that quality time can be spent with kids! We had friends put up AND take down our Christmas tree this year!!

We realize that people are in worse situations than we are, and people are in better situations than we are, all with a cancer diagnosis. We try to choose to laugh about the crazy, but that doesn’t mean we don’t cry when we need to! There are days when I gripe about making extra stops after work, or “oh crap, it’s 10pm and I forgot to fill the pill case for the next week.” The truth is, I do whatever it takes to get things done….but get overwhelmed along the way.

I’m not the superhero everyone makes me out to be…I hope that I do what anyone would do for their husband/wife if dealt the same hand! I am a control freak, and I know it!

While I hope that things settle down in the near future, I know that if the crazy continues, we have THE best support system anyone could ask for! If you have made it to the end of this, THANK YOU! Just putting things into words helps sometimes…I can collect my thoughts, and re-read and edit if necessary!

Grief.   Grief is an asshole.   One annoying SOB (give me a drank!).  Grief is a rollercoaster  that seemingly has no end.  I hate it.   I hate that it has so many ups and downs, and that it makes you feel terrible.   So terrible, that if you know me….you know it is past my bedtime when I am starting this entry.  I, however, don’t see myself falling asleep until these tears stop coming out of my eyes for NO APPARENT REASON!  So, here I am, spilling it in the ugliest form….with a side of alien face.  (that’s a picture for ya!)

This roller coaster started slow.   A complete stop to my world really.  Numb.   I had no feelings, other than some form of shock.  I knew he was ready, but I wasn’t.  Nobody was, really.  The following weeks were tough as I saw people who loved John just as much, or more than I did.   I spent months drown in medical bills, cancelling credit cards, finding his 401K, selling a car…blah, blah.   I was going through the motions of getting back to real life, while dealing with annoying tasks.  Tasks that needed to be completed in a somewhat timely fashion, but kept me occupied.  After unplugging for a bit, reality set in, and I couldn’t handle everyday stress anymore.   I HAD to do something to help me.   Hence, the crazy pills.   NO, I don’t think you are legit crazy if you need to be medicated.   Its totally normal to be honest.  Life is hard, and as strong as whiskey might be, sometimes you need to chase the pill with the whiskey.   (ok, maybe don’t really do that, but you get the idea).

At the six month mark…. I felt like it was a measurable amount of time.   The timing made the grief feel different.  It took me right about that long to get rid of the electric tooth brush that was sitting on the bathroom vanity.  I looked at it every day….but it only got moved when the bathroom was cleaned.  Something about a time frame makes you reflect on what has happened in that time.   SIX MONTHS….like, whoa.   How should I feel?  Was the way I felt normal?  It was the middle of summer, and there was SO much to do.   Swimming, cookouts, baseball….stuff I hadn’t done much of in previous summers.  I was occupied…but the grief was still there in some form.  I mean, THAT was six months ago…..

Fast forward to the holidays.   I was totally fine for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve.  The firsts were over last year since I spent those days without John.   Did I think about what would have been done or said if he were here?  OF COURSE   But for some reason, I didn’t feel grief-stricken, or sad on those days.   I enjoyed the time spent with friends and family, just as I have always done, even before John was in my life.  Perhaps his mom’s illness has kept me occupied, or more-so distracted.  Who knows?!  Oh, wait….

Here I am tonight….crying for no reason.   Is it that measurable amount of time?  We are quickly approaching a year.  One Year.   A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR.  It’s almost as though its something that should be celebrated.   A year of marriage would be.   Another year older is celebrated to a certain point.  A year of being cancer free.  Hell, Facebook reminds you of what happened on this day last year.  Perhaps that’s what has hit me.   Maybe its that I have cleaned out some things here.   Maybe it’s because I read a whole boat load of his Facebook posts last night.  (ok, I scrolled on past ALOT of the damn Biden memes).  Maybe I’m just reflecting on what he would have done with this last year?  On the things that he’s missed.  I’m sure I would have caught hell from him with my crazy tan lines.  I probably would have made it to at least one more concert.   He would have been by my side for my Momaw’s funeral, and probably would have made me visit her more often before her passing.  I know it would have killed him to see his mom going through what she has over the past few months, but I know he would be proud of me for helping them.   You can bet your ass he and Rob would have hashed out a BBQ business name in one lunch date, and Robs smoker would probably have more bells and whistles due to John’s crazy ideas.

The horrible thing about grief is that it sneaks up when you aren’t really expecting it.  Will things be different just because its been a year?  Only in the fact that it sounds more measurable.  A year is a LONG time.  I just need to remind myself that grief ain’t the boss of me.  Yes, it got to me tonight….but I call the shots up in here.  I choose happy.   I Just Keep Livin.  I need to remember to be thankful that I AM stronger than a fifth of whiskey.  If I wasn’t strong…I would spend more days overcome by the grief….and that’s just not how I roll.  And with that, I shall dry my tears, blow my nose, and attempt to get a good night of sleep while remembering things that make me laugh.

A Good Laugh And A Long Sleep Are the Two Best Cures For Anything ~ Irish Proverb

I have never been much for resolutions.  I am fully aware that if you eat healthy and exercise, you feel better.   I don’t need to say I’m going to do it at the first of the year, only to slip down that slippery slope of pizza and donuts two weeks in!   I rang in the new year with coffee and donuts, and Chinese for dinner this year, along with a killer 2 hour nap on my couch!  I mean, why not start with a bang!  About the gym…John used to HATE going to the gym in January because he could never find a treadmill due to all the “resolutioners”. He was seriously crabby about it.    Then again he was basically psycho about getting to the gym when he felt good.

With all of the curveballs 2017 gave me, I was happy to see it go.  The year was full of more heartache and drama than should be thrown at a person in a lifetime, much less one single 12 month period of time.  While it was downright horrible at times, there were also bright spots in the year.  I can’t wish the year never happened…but I can believe that the next year will be better.  And THAT is what my resolution will be.

I WILL get through this month.  January is terrible for me as we all know I’m a little funny about dates.  We have John’s 2nd re-birthday anniversary this week, the 5 year anniversary of his cancer diagnosis, the 1 year anniversary of his death, and we end the month with the 5 year anniversary of his first chemo treatment.  It is mind blowing that it has been so long.  Time really moves much faster than you can imagine.

As I move forward, through this month, I am committed to being happy.  Yes, I know its ok to be sad.  No, I don’t cry at the mention of John’s name, or at the drop of a hat, so to speak.  I realize it’s ok to be upset when thinking of old memories, or going through things here at the house.  There are random things that strike my memory, and sometimes its this damn blog that causes me to let loose!  I choose to be happy and thankful for the memories that I have….and just keep livin.

Happy…what makes me happy?  Everything I post on social media, spending time with my friends and their kids, because I need a good laugh!  Having time to go to concerts, because live music is amazing.  Taking trips to the beach, because sand and sun is the best way to unplug from real life.  (even if I end up with terrible tan lines…sunscreen, I KNOW!) Spending time at the pool in the summer, even if it means cannonball splashes!  Spring, Summer, and hopefully October nights spent watching baseball games.  All things I look forward to, along with Rob’s BBQ, random chats at the Shane’s kitchen table, spontaneous dinner and drinks for no reason, and some super lazy Sunday afternoons on my couch!  Oh, lets not forget baby snuggles….how can baby snuggles not make you happy?!  Happy.  Its what you make of your time.  It’s what you choose.  And for me, for 2018, I CHOOSE HAPPY!

 

 

Yesterday I got a message from a friend asking where she could sign up to be a stem cell donor.  It has been awhile since I have told our story, and why donation is so very important.

After having an Autologous transplant, where John’s own cells were harvested and then infused after heavy chemo, John had relapsed and we were sent to University of Chicago.    Dr Smith had explained that the best way to obtain a cure would be to have a donor transplant.  She said that being a white male, there would be about a 75% chance that we would find a 10/10 match in the donor database.  Of course John asked if perhaps they could find a donor that was Irish and liked to drink beer!  Lets circle back for a quick second.   Here’s how the donor matching works

1.  A perfect match is an identical twin.  The markers used in this type of match go beyond the 10/10 protein markers that are normally used to identify a match.
2. The next best match would be a sibling.
3. At this point the database would be used to attempt to find a 10/10 match.
4. If there are no matches, as in John’s case, they would potentially utilize a child, as a child would have a 50% match.
5. No children…. so then they would look for a parent, as a parent would also be a 50% match.
6. 50% parental match plus a cord blood chaser

Cord Blood…..SAVE IT!  Save it for yourself…donate it.   Just do it, it too, can save lives!   John received cells harvested from his mom, and then got a shot of cord blood from a blood bank.

Please remember that John was actually free of any cancer for a year before his passing. His transplant worked.   It was a compromised immune system that caused him to not be able to shake the influenza.

It is super simple to register to be a donor.   A survey and a cheek swab is all it takes.  Peripheral donation isn’t painful, like most may think.  Yes there are some aches associated with the shots to pump up your cell count…..but harvesting itself isn’t a terrible process.  Now, if they have to actually do a true bone marrow extraction, that’s more painful.

Think about it folks…..I will leave the link here for ya!

http://www.bethematch.org

 

Nope… I don’t have any children of my own, or biological nieces or nephews.  At this point, I likely won’t.  Have no fear, I have a slew of “pseudo” nieces and nephews.   At least that’s what my boss calls them when I am telling a funny story after I have spent some time with them.

It started when one of my besties got knocked up with her first kiddo, and despite the fact that she and her husband both have siblings…..I told her I felt as though I should be called Aunt Stac.   And there ya have it!  Both of her kiddos, and the one in the oven call me Aunt Stac.   In fact, once her dad told her that “Stacie is at our house”, she corrected him and said “you mean Aunt Stac?”   My heart melted the first time she said it, and I LOVE that she has to give me 15 hugs when I see her, which isn’t as often as we would all like.   She was crazy excited to tell me her secret news that she was going to be a big sister, again.  She said she felt like it was all a dream!  #outtathemouthofbabes

Its not just those kids that have my heart.   There’s actually about 7 more….yikes!  They don’t all call me Aunt Stac… but I think of them as nieces and nephews whether they like it or not!  I’m the go-to for finding a concert for the 13 year old’s birthday present, and got to spend the day with her at our Annual Marigold festival outing. Her youngest brother actually thinks that I’m only at their house to visit him when I come over, and then I can’t get a word in with his momma!

I also have the two boys, and their cousins, who are always super excited to see me, and on most occasions need to give hugs upon my arrival and departure.  One smart little fella put life in perspective just after John had passed.   With just he and I in the room, he told me he knew that John was in Heaven.  He made me a card at school a few months ago because he had seen me on Facebook Live, and wanted to cheer me up.   Clearly he didn’t quite understand the impact of cracking a safe and finding a boat load of moolah!  (which then paid a hospital bill). wait, now that I think about it……he may have been onto something!

Finally, the two kiddos who I see most often.  Last week I spent a few hours babysitting them.  Its so funny when kids know exactly what time to get ready for bed, and what to do when mom and dad aren’t around, but its like pulling teeth to get them ready for bed any other night.   Believe me, I have witnessed it more than once!  I saw them both within 24 hours of their birth, but yet the boy still likes to call me “stranger danger” from time to time.   And lets not forget his backseat driving last week when I was parallel parking…. “Stacie, you are getting close to that red car”.   ummm thanks, kid!  His sister is at the age where she is really soaking in what the adults have to say, and is full of sass with some fairly quick wit.

I always look forward to spending time with any of them.  Seeing them all grow up and get their own little personalities is amazing.  They have all helped me move ahead in the past year, and realize how precious every second of life can be.  I am blessed to have gotten to see ALL of them last week!  I’m looking forward to seeing what life has in store for all of them in the coming year, and of course getting to see them and their hilarious shenanigans as much as time allows.